When she became ‘unresponsively ill’, an hour away felt too long.
I plugged myself in her port to charge myself, daily. Now that her batteries are run-down and her port all crooked, I no longer have energy. And I thought she was rechargeable.
My energy came from an external source and I fed off it until it was no longer usable. And then I sat with myself, run-down, with no energy.
What I am trying to say is that once one is reliant upon external energy, we run ourselves short as energy from others do not last. My point that I am trying to make is that we have to be our own source of energy and not feed off others, something which I am most often guilty of.
The reason I wrote this piece, in particular, is because I had stolen energy from my ‘significant other’ and when she was diagnosed with Leukemia, I still fed off her. Then the days fell in, where she became ‘unresponsively ill’ and I could no longer feed. I was starving and required energy to live, her energy.
I felt my thoughts escape my mind and occupy other parts of my body. My shoulders, lower back, stomach, and legs became heavy as if a pile of sand was placed on top of my head. My thoughts were making me ill and I was weakening because I had no energy of my own –
Now, I sit and I write and I explain to you the mistakes I made and I hope that you can learn from them.
SO LEARN THAT:
IT IS NOT OKAY to feed off others, you came into this world alone, you are self-sufficient! However, do know, that I am not promoting withdrawn behavior, I am merely stating that you are enough for you to help you.
ALWAYS REMEMBER that we are born with all the resources we need to face life and all its obstacles. It’s just a matter of accessing those resources at the right time.
FEEDING OFF OTHERS will only be harmful to yourself in future as we are not trusting ourselves and our bodies to guide us through it all.
Be your OWN energy!
And who knows you better than you?
I wish you all the success and hope that you prosper into the flower that you have within you.